So this is what it means to be a Mom…
No matter how tough of a day we’ve had together, this face makes it all better – all worth it
This was the moment. My “I’m his Mom – his one and only and he’s my son – my heart and soul” moment.
Amazing. Awesome. Indescribable.
I’m a Mom.
I’ve been a little low the past couple weeks. Despite the beauty all around, I’ve been finding that spring makes me sad. Our girl died in April, so every spring has this kind of heaviness as we remember where we were this time however many years ago. As I was reflecting on what to write, I just really don’t feel like focusing on the sad today. My life is beautiful. It is difficult, but it is beautiful. So, here are some things for which I am thankful on this rainy Wednesday.
These may seem like ordinary little latches to you. But they are what keeps my son from running away on a daily basis. He’s learned how to open our screen doors and Micah finally installed these latches. Now he can look out but can’t get out. Glory hallelujah.
Three composters. OK, so really it’s two composters and a food digester. We got “The Cone” food digester and it has eliminated so much of our garbage it’s amazing! We’ve also been doing a heck of a job with recycling lately. Yesterday Micah took out our kitchen trash for the first time in a week and a half! Woo!
The Party Tree is alive again! I guess it was always alive, but the leaves are back and with every sunny day welcome us to relax under their shade. I love this tree.
These little flowers. I don’t know what they are but they are so sweet.
My tulips! Granted, tulip season is almost at an end. These little beauties have just come into their own and are adding some loveliness to our front flower bed.
This coffee mug. I got it from Crate and Barrel when we were on vacation a couple weeks ago. It’s HUGE and my new favorite mug.
This kid. Who woke up (from his SECOND nap of the day) asking to watch Nemo and wanted to bring his blankets, pillows and all of his stuffed animals (I talked him down to four) with him to watch.
What are you all feeling thankful for today?
I am a parent.
Today I am enjoying being a parent. My little girl is playing sweetly with her dollies and trying to tickle them and just being wonderful in general. She brings a smile to my face as she pushes her dolly stroller by and smiles at me. Today is fantastic.
Yesterday… yesterday I wanted to remove my ears from my head, rip out my hair and scream back. Yesterday my sweet adorable little girl (who’s ALWAYS overtired from daycare days) whined (quieter/constant screaming, not really whining, but we’ll call it that anyway), banshee screamed, cried, threw things, hit, scratched and screamed more for 2. HOURS. STRAIGHT. I wanted to run away and hide, leave the house, remove my ears, hide in the fridge, anything but listen to this awful sound coming out of my ahem… sweet daughter. I may have done some whine/screaming back. It doesn’t help, but it feels better for a few seconds.
I never imagined that I could have a tougher child than Big Brother. He’s quite the energetic child. He bit, hit and headbutted. He was stubborn and strong willed… and he doesn’t even hold a candle to Little Sister. The differences between them are stark. I never imagined the drama that could come from an 18 month old. The ear piercing screams (after Big Brother who would have thought it could be louder? IT CAN GET LOUDER). I ever imagined how hard this would be. I never imagined that the limits that were pushed before can be pushed even further now. I never imagined that a child could be more stubborn than me, my husband or my son… combined. There is just so much I never saw coming. And I never imagined I could survive being tested like this.
There are tough days, the ones that make you question every decision you have ever made.
But that was yesterday, and today is a new day… Tomorrow? That could be anything.
Latest posts by Amber Saffo (see all)
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My new little man is here, and he’s all of 6 days old. These 6 days have gone quickly and yet very, very slowly at the same time. I’m assuming that’s due to lack of sleep, redundant tasks and routine, spending most of my days indoors (and in the same room), etc.
I am beginning to realize how little I knew about what life would be like with a new baby. Sure there’s the lack of sleep (to be expected), the dirty diapers (of course), the occasional crying (though that’s pretty limited with our little guy to date)… But on the whole, it’s a whole new world that was hard to imagine.
Breastfeeding is harder than expected. It’s painful, it’s stressful, and it’s a TON of responsibility. There’s the debate between “feeding on demand” versus “scheduled feedings,” and we’re still trying to figure out which works best for us. I’ve been feeding on demand, but scheduling certainly has it’s appeal. Then again, my little man has gained nearly a pound since he was discharged from the hospital after birth, so feeding on demand has obviously been working well so far. I’ve toyed with the idea of switching to just pumping and bottle feeding the breast milk rather than him being constantly attached to me – allowing someone else to watch him and feed him when needed so I can get out for a little bit. I’ve been reaching out for opinions from doctors and other moms as to their preferred methods, and I welcome feedback on here too.
My mom has been here with us since he’s been born, and she’s been instrumental in helping us to get things done that otherwise would fall through the cracks: laundry, cooking, watching the baby so I can nap, changing diapers, etc. So now imagining what life will look like when she goes back home has me a bit anxious. My husband has been home all week, but he goes back to work on Monday. And my Mom leaves next Saturday. And then, on Monday, May 13th, I’m on my own. How do I get things done on my own? I’m nervous to leave the room when my little man is sleeping, even to do laundry, make lunch, empty the dishwasher, etc. Not to mention “sleep when he sleeps” – that just blows my mind! Sleep when he sleeps with no one else to make sure he’s ok?? Not to mention the fact that I’m a social person who enjoys being around other people, will I be lonely? I had no idea the anxiety that came along with being a new mom.
I also have no idea what to do with a baby that isn’t asleep or feeding. Those times when he’s just hanging out.. I sit there and wonder “now what do I do with you?” Bigger kids play and entertain themselves. Babies? Not so much. So, what do we do all day? I never thought about it. I don’t want to take him places where he could end up catching something, but I don’t want to stay cooped up in my house every second of the day either. So what do we do? Plus, he’s not exactly on any predictable schedule yet (ie: two naps a day, specific feeding times, etc.), so taking him out seems like a challenge.
I also had NO IDEA how much I could absolutely love another human being this much, and want nothing but happiness, safety, joy, love and the best for him. His face melts my heart in an instant, and it’s that emotion that I think brings on the anxiety that I feel at times. Anxiety that I need to do everything right, about what the future holds for him (and us), about making sure I do my very best for him at all times. It’s a lot of pressure to put on myself, but when I look at him and I feel that strong, immeasurable, uncontrollable love for him, I can’t help myself from feeling anxious. I’ve reached out to friends about this as well for some words of advice and wisdom in dealing with these feelings.
Six days. A whole new world in six short days. A world made so much more meaningful, amazing, challenging, but beautiful all because of one sweet little face.
Thanks to fellow blogger Jen for the amazing picture of our little guy.