I never could have imagined how this day would really turn out. We knew the day was coming. We knew in our hearts that today was the day. I had my bag all packed just in case.

Calmly, quietly we made the 20 minute drive to the doctor’s office. Things had not been going the way the doctor had wanted for the last two weeks, so today was a checkup. I was 2 days overdue.

We walked into the office that had become so familiar, the rows of seats were almost comforting as we walked up to the reception window. The same familiar clock was on the shelf, the same black pens and blue clipboard, but this time we knew it was different. There was a catch in the air, like a breath held waiting to be exhaled.

The nurses all wore pleasant smiles and showed us to the ultrasound room. It was still, sterile, and uneasy. After a few moments the doctor came rushing in. As she moved through the door, time quickly sped up, swirling around us, trying to catch what we had missed. In a flurry, she apologized for being late, moved machines, sat me on the hard brown pleather table, whipped out the wand and paused.

“We’re just going to check you to see if everything is still ok.”

I watched the screen, watched the wand moving over my rounded belly, waiting, caught in the breath again.

“I’m sorry Amber, you don’t have very much fluid left. Looks like you’re going to have a baby today!”

As we made our way across the street to the hospital my mind raced at the thought of this. Today? I’m not ready. Today? Really? Today.

The nurses were kind and patient. They could sense the fear and disappointment I had. As a last attempt the nurse took pity on me and checked if I was ready to go on my own. No, I wasn’t.  It was quite a let down. The first step of my natural birth flew out the window as the Pitocin was started.

I’m ok, I can do this.

I relaxed into the gentle sounds of the heart monitor. The reassurance of my child’s heartbeat calmed me. I would soon see my little boy.

The sounds slowed. Slower…slower…slower. We were confused, did the monitor slip off? Should we get someone? Another breath caught.

Before we could move, nurses came running in, oxygen was turned on, and I was flipped all about. Dignity was set aside. The nurse spoke with a stern tone that gave away the severity of it all. Fear welled up inside me, choking me. I have no control, I can’t do anything, I’m helpless.

Finally the sounds of the monitor picked up again and we exhaled. We relaxed for a few minutes, before it all started again, and then again. Each time the fear ate away more of me. Each time I lost more of my hold. Each time I became more hysterical and more terrified.

When the monitor sounds did not come back up, I was lost in a sea of fear. I saw no way out, no resolution.

I was spoken to, blur, I was prepped, blur, I was wheeled away, blur. The fear clouded everything.

Until I heard a cry, a glorious and healthy cry. The fear still rang in my ears but the cry was louder. The cry pushed the fear back, and released the joy.

My husband left my side, the fear still subsiding. I was no longer the one that needed him the most.

And the whole world shifted.

This post is written for this week’s Red Writing Hood meme over at the Red Dress Club: Write a maximum 600-words that begin with the line, “I could never have imagined” and ends with the line, “Then the whole world shifted.”

  • Miri

    My first birth also did not end up going the way I wanted, with almost every every intervention aside from a C-section. I came out of it realizing that everything I had dreaded and feared really wasn't that terrible because of what came out of it, a beautiful, brilliant life to light up the world.

    Thank you for sharing.

  • Crystal Jigsaw

    That was beautiful written. I think it's impossible for any mum-to-be to plan her labour and birth from start to finish because we simply don't know what will happen. Those moments of utter joy when baby cries to tell you he's there are simply the best moments a new mum can ever experience.

    Have a great weekend.
    CJ xx

  • Laprochaine

    It all seems so unreal at the end doesn't it? I had been on partial bed rest for months and we were a week away from the due date. I went in. Two doctors declared he would be to big to come naturally. I was scheduled a c-section. One week later on his due date he marched into labor and delivery. It all seemed so surreal. I was scared out of my mind. The panic didn't subside until I head that cry. Then life got very interesting. Thanks for writing this. It brought back some memories!

    I am a new follower from Follow Me Friday. I hope you will have a moment to come and visit me. Have a blessed weekend.


  • MultitaskMumma

    Great job. Very captivating.
    The fear can only be inderstood by a mother.

  • Amber @ The Mom Road

    Thanks! I think birth was a common theme for this prompt. But I agree, this changed everything for me.

  • Amber @ The Mom Road

    It really was the best moment. I can still feel that relief I did after hearing his first cry.

  • Jessica

    You had me captivated through the whole thing. I had two high risk births and know those feelings you described so well. I'm glad your world shifted into a happy ending. Wonderful job.

  • Amber @ The Mom Road

    Wow, that sounds like a crazy ride! Birth can do the strangest things! So glad it all worked out for you as well

  • Amber @ The Mom Road

    wow, I can even imagine what another one would feel like…

  • Amber @ The Mom Road

    I hope you get that too! There is nothing like the feeling of hearing that cry. I really hope you get that!

  • Amber @ The Mom Road

    Thank you, I'm sorry that you also had that feeling. I am just so glad that everything has worked out for us, I look back with no regrets.