Finding the Balance

After bringing home G it took us a long time to find our balance. To be honest, I think it took us longer than other people we know. We didn’t adjust well and G certainly didn’t either.

Acid reflux and a milk allergy ruled our world. Car rides were impossible, a 20 minute drive meant 20 minutes of screaming. I was constantly afraid that G would have some sort of an ulcer from his crying. We didn’t have the cute newborn cry, we had the child that screamed bloody murder. Family members would constantly come in which ever room we were in and try and help us. Tons and tons of advice was given, and most of it wasn’t helpful and just frustrated us more. While we know they loved us, it was tough to deal with on top of everything else.

And so we hid. We spent a lot of time at home. We only went out when we had to. All the while learning and growing. We needed time and so did G. And eventually we found a balance.

G is still the child that screams bloody murder, but he’s a good boy. We have learned to manage the screams and we can go out in public now. Balance.

Except now number two is on it’s way. And balance will go out the window. I love my son to bits, I wouldn’t change him for anything in the world. His energy, his laugh, his craziness, I love ALL of it. But all of that is what made it tough.

What if this new child is just like that. Can I handle it? Will we survive as a family.

And would I even want to change it? I really honestly love his energy and thirst for life. I think somewhere deep down I really do want another child like him. Aahhh, I feel like two sides of a coin, wishing for exactly what I am afraid of.

But then, I have moments of clarity. Sweet sweet clarity. God knows this child, God has created this child and God knows me better than I know myself.

We will find balance again.

So in this I have confidence.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…”
Jeremiah 1:5

“O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.”
Psalms 139:1-4