Baby Blues – 2 weeks later

It’s been 2 weeks home with Little Sister… and so far so good. I am almost 100% back to myself. I’m not quite there yet, but I am doing better. AND I am so much better at kicking out the menacing squatter that tries to invade my thoughts in the quiet moments. I had almost gotten to the point of calling someone, but just as swiftly as it came on, it started to disappear. I could literally feel the fog lifting off of me. I could start to reason with my thoughts and fight back a bit. D was great during this time. Although he later told me that he was really worried I might “do” something. Thankfully my thoughts did not make it that far.

No one in the family knew I was struggling, apparently I was really good at hiding it… and being ashamed of it. No matter what anyone tells you about this being normal, or lots of people having these thoughts… you are still ashamed. It becomes a vicious cycle. After I put my blog post out there I have had friends coming to me and telling me they had it too, they know how it is. That helped so much. I plan on being totally honest with my friends when I see the slightest hint they are struggling because again, the instinct is to hide it and deal with it alone.

We are not meant to deal with these things alone. We are meant to take them to God, and find help from our fellowship. We are social people. We were designed that way. We can lift each other up as well as we can tear each other down.

And so yes, I am still struggling a bit and I may still call someone, but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I can fight back. I am finding joy in my children and learning to balance them as well as myself. And again, D has been terrific. I am so grateful to have a husband like him. He can read me like no one else, and he knows what I need sometimes even when I don’t.

If you’re struggling, please reach out. Feel free to email me if you need someone, anyone, but you can’t bring yourself to tell those closest to you (like I couldn’t).Writing it out helps too, maybe not on a public blog like this, but it did help me.