Sometimes I must walk away.

On February 28, 2012 · 2 Comments

There are moments and days where sadness overwhelms me. I feel the bounds of anxiety tighten around my chest and I know that if I don’t push it down and walk away… I won’t make it.

My life is not particularly difficult or sad. I’m your average American wife, mother, daughter…So what is it that that causes me so much distress? It’s everyone else, so to speak. Becoming a part of the blogging world has really made this difficult for me. Blogging seems to be popular among the hurting. It’s an outlet, and a way to connect with others that you might not otherwise be able to do so. And this means that pain is everywhere.

I tend to only watch the happy ending type of movies, the rest cause me physical pain. There are some movies I cannot watch at all. Most people do not understand that part of me. They say “It’s only a movie,” but to me it’s real. I know that somewhere out there… someone is going through this. I’ll never forget the one time I watched My Dog Skip with my roommates at school. I cried at the end, and I meant every tear. And to this day I am still teased about it, if the story comes up. I stay away from the horrific movies, rape, war, etc. I know that somewhere this is reality and it feels like, for a moment, that it is my reality.

I started to feel convicted to pray for one hurt each week, but I quickly realized that this was too much for me. It was too close to my heart and too painful. And these people were carrying on with great great pains in their lives.

Life is a painful journey. We live in a fallen world. I still pray whenever I come across something, but I no longer seek it out to intervene with prayer.

I’m not really sure what to do with this part of me. I feel like God has placed this extreme empathy on me for a reason. That I am to use it somehow.

Are there moments where you need to “walk away” ?

 

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  • Jen_alexcabezon

    I have had the same experience.  For while our church has been praying for North Korea and as the missions chairman they had me read a book about a woman’s experience in a prison camp there. I literally had to put the book away.  It was too tramatic.  There is so much effort out there to keep us informed about needs around the world, but sometimes it can be too much.  Sometimes I only have grace for my little sphere: grace to pray for my friend who’s husband left her, for my neighbors, for my sick friends, for my family.  I can’t be burdened for everyone.